Jumping into Conflict: Finding Resolution Through Transformative Mediation
A Leap Into the Unknown
My feet dangled from the edge of the airplane door. The plane clearly offered no comfort. I could not stand upright in the short cabin. Two foam columns ran along the floor instead of seats, and pairs of people perched on them. The first-time jumpers nearest me showed a mix of excitement and nervousness. Some grinned with ruddy cheeks, while others clenched their jaws and pressed their mouths into flat lines.
Dorky goggles shielded their eyes from the air rushing through the open cabin door. Straps and clips secured instructors to the jumpers’ backs. The instructors’ expressions contrasted sharply with their partners’ nervous faces. Their relaxed, nonchalant looks revealed their experience. They had jumped many times before. To them, the jump was simply business.
Without warning, my skydiving instructor—a tall man who goes by “Jake”—swept my feet behind me and pushed us out of the airplane into the thin, blue atmosphere. The wind blasted me and forced itself into my lungs until I clamped my mouth shut. Before the jump, Jake had taught me to arch my back until we stabilized in the air. I held the position until he tapped my shoulder, signaling that I had finished my job and had placed our lives in his seasoned, capable hands.
As I hurtled through the air thousands of feet above the ground, I felt exhilarated and strangely calm. I had met Jake that morning, but he had already completed thousands of jumps. He had skydived for more than ten years and completed about six jumps during every shift at Skydive Ogden. I understood my limitations in that moment. On my own, I would have hit the ground with painful and final consequences. With an experienced guide, I felt confident, safe, and oriented.
I returned to the ground with my feet outstretched in a gentle, smooth glide that felt almost like a sigh. I stood and watched two of my colleagues, Flynn Beckman and Yuchen Cook, land with their instructors, their faces beaming. Flynn, Yuchen, and I (Gabriell Sabalones) work in the high-stakes world of litigation. Many of our clients fear litigating a conflict as much as they would fear jumping from an airplane—and for good reason.
Litigation can impose painful, final, and costly consequences on the people involved. Beyond the financial stakes, intense conflict can frighten us on a primal level. As social creatures, we rely on relationships and reason for security, and conflict can disrupt both.
Why Traditional Mediation Avoids Emotional Conflict
The fear of conflict has shaped Utah’s mediation landscape. Mediators often keep parties in separate rooms, limit the discussion to issues the court can decide, and treat emotions as problems to manage, suppress, or ignore. Senior litigators warn junior colleagues against trying to make parties “hold hands and sing kumbaya,” often pairing those warnings with stories about reconciliation efforts that produced spectacular and devastating results.
What Is Transformative Mediation?
Transformative mediation goes deeper than settlement. Instead of focusing only on how to end the immediate dispute, it examines the relationship and communication patterns that created the conflict. The process asks what underlying dynamic made the dispute possible and how the parties can change that dynamic.
This approach works best when the relationship itself drives the conflict and the immediate dispute reflects a deeper problem. Transformative mediators help the parties recognize those patterns, communicate more effectively, and make informed decisions about how to move forward.
Transformative mediation often helps when:
- Family conflicts, business partnership breakdowns, long-term employment matters, or community disputes require ongoing interaction.
- The parties must continue to work, live, or communicate with one another after the process ends.
- A settlement would leave the underlying dynamic unchanged and likely lead to another dispute.
Empowerment in Practice
Changing those underlying dynamics requires more than a mediator who directs the parties toward an agreement. It requires a process that restores their confidence and helps them communicate and make decisions for themselves. That kind of empowerment brings me back to my descent. After the parachute opened, Jake handed me the steering toggles. He remained strapped to my back, ready to apply his knowledge and experience if I needed help, but I flew the rest of the way down. Transformative mediators offer similar support: they provide guidance without taking control. When parties help steer the process, they can build the clarity and confidence to sustain the outcome.
Transformative Mediation at Christensen & Jensen
Christensen & Jensen offers more trained transformative mediators than any other law firm in Utah. Steve Kelson, Nate Alder, and Gabriell Sabalones stand ready to address your client’s relational disputes. Our clients and their attorneys gain a guide who will not flinch when the conversation becomes difficult and who trusts them to fly. Contact us today for a consultation.
